You may be hard-pressed to find a parent who didn’t have a surge of emotion the day your little one let go of your hand to walk into kindergarten. For me it was a mix of pride and joy, but also coupled with fear and sadness. I totally ugly-cried. They seemed so little compared to such a big place. What if they got lost? Or lonely? Or missed me? How would they cope?

And at the end of the first day and 95% of the year, at pickup, I would walk into their classroom and watch as they happily played with friends. Sometimes they didn’t even notice me spectating. While these recollections may have seemed so emotionally challenging then, consider now when we have tweens and teens who have one foot in either middle or high school. What if they get lost? Or loney? How will they cope? The ages may be different but the questions, still the same. 

I have had the privilege of guiding many children and parents through the transitions from elementary to middle school and from middle school to high school, and even college. In this blog, we are going to explore how to make these transitions smoother and more empowering (for both of you!). 

For Parents:

1. Open Communication: Kiddos may not always want to talk about their uncertainties going into middle and/or high school. Initiate the conversation and let them take the lead. I often find this works best when you are alone and doing a task together. Think cutting veggies for dinner. Sitting down in a room to have this chat can seem daunting so make it as organic as possible. If you really want to get them in a cheerful headspace, break out your yearbook!! Peruse the fashion and haircuts and then segue the convo into more serious matters. Talk about workload, schedules, teachers, time management, extracurriculars and what hardships you faced. This is not a one-and-done conversation. Remind them you are available for help or willing to find someone who can help them navigate any issues they have.
2. Foster Independence: This is a doozy. You want them to take responsibility for homework and personal organization but you need to provide support and oversight. How do you make this happen? The short answer is: not in the moment when they have a big project due the next day and they have not yet started and are panicking. Manage expectations beforehand. Sit with them when they get their class syllabus or grade breakdown. Show them how to plan accordingly. Have them jot down deadlines on a family calendar and you do the same with your own work items. Help each other stay on top and accountable.
3. Stay Involved: Attend the school tour. Get on the mailing lists. Get on the school’s social media. Attend the orientations. Make the effort to meet their teachers and learn their quirks. “I met Miss Jones at Orientation last night and you were right, she is going to be a tough one!” In our school systems, kids can see their grades as well as parents. This has both advantages and disadvantages in my opinion. Do not check it every day!! Maybe 1x/week and if it looks like something is missing, don’t assume that it is. Make a note to check on it at a later time and then inquire if it is still an unfulfilled requirement. Sometimes it is just a timing issue as to why it is not showing up in the system OR sometimes teachers are needing more time to input grades. 
4. Promote Social Skills: Because you have signed up for the mailing lists and social media, you will be alerted as to sign-ups for clubs and activities. However, if your kiddo chooses not to participate in a school-sponsored club or sport, that is ok – as long as they have some extracurricular activity. I cannot stress enough the importance of them having an outside activity in building responsibility, time management, and boosting their confidence overall. 
5. Emphasize Self-Care: Teach your kiddos the importance of self-care and no, I don’t mean they need a 15-step skincare routine. I mean getting enough sleep, physical activity, water intake, healthy diet, creative interest or stress reliever. And the best way for them to learn this is by watching you model it!

For Tweens/Teens:

1. Embrace Change: Be open. Take it all in. You may be nervous or feel awkward. There is no spotlight on you. Day one will be the hardest, but it will only get easier as you get more comfortable. All the other freshmen are feeling the same way. You are not alone. Think of this as a fresh start. Use this as an opportunity to explore new interests, meet new people and redefine yourself.  Think only of putting one foot in front of the other. 
2. Get Organized: Use planners and calendars to keep track of assignments. If you need to, get a white board in your room to jot down things of importance so you don’t forget. Make sure it is always in your line of sight. Also, try out different organizational methods to see which best suits you. Your parents’ planning methods may not be yours.
3. Ask for Help: There is no need to suffer in silence. Whether your troubles are social or academic, there are folks who are able to help. You can turn to teachers, counselors, coaches, parents or friends for help when you need it. It’s okay to not be okay. At times, we have all needed a helping hand so feel free to reach out when these times arise. 
4. Join Extracurricular Activities: Your extracurricular activity does not have to be school-related. You can join outside sports leagues, drama clubs, take music classes, etc. The important thing here is for you to do something outside of the classroom! This may seem like just “one more thing to do.” I get it. But, having something outside of school that you do allows you to meet new people and discover some potential new interests! Give it all a try and see what sticks. It is important to use this time to rest your brain and just have some fun – either by physical activity or by a creative endeavor. 
5. Take Care of Yourself: Make sure you are getting enough sleep, physical activity, and water. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need and make sure you are listening to your body and mind! 

Conclusion:

Transitions are challenging, but without them we are developmentally stagnant. They are how we grow and see what we are made of. They are how we enter new chapters of our lives. Communication and patience with each other will be what gets you through these awkward and, often challenging, times. By working together you can navigate these changes with confidence and resilience and, in doing so, set the stage for success in the new academic environments.